I want to write something sentimental about Santa Cruz since I'm moving and all. Or on the other hand I'd like to write a letter to the town of Santa Cruz letting her know that she's really not nearly as great as she thinks she is. Maybe I'll dedicate a Streets song to her. Now wouldn't that be appropriately irreverent and yet perfectly childish? Maybe, since I'm drinking red bull, and I'm-well, quite frankly I'm avoiding the last part of the packing.
The final wrap up of the packing is the worst part. It's all the stuff that you might possibly need in the next few days. It's all the stuff that doesn't fit neatly into a little box (and believe me, I have a LOT of little boxes). I am not actually going to be moving into my house in Sacramento. I'll be taking my stuff there and then (unless I get a job, which I'm really hoping for) I will be living out of my back pack for a month doing sidework. Then, I'll be going to Japan because one of my amazing friends bought me a ticket out there to visit her.
Which brings me to another point. I have the most amazing friends a girl could ask for. I have no idea why they deal with me, but they do, and I consider myself an extremely lucky person. So I have amazing friends, I'm about to have a great summer with lots of adventure (the more the better, so if you have any ideas, please share), I'm about to hang out with and do some creative stuff with another really great friend, and I also have a degree from university now. So I guess now all I need is for Kristin Scott Thomas to stop denying our love for each other and move to Sacramento to make babies with me (Kristin, I'll gladly move to France with you if you're not up for the beauty of Sac).
So back to the sentiments about Santa Cruz. Let's see-where do I start? Well, Santa Cruz, I'm sure that you aren't worried about this, but just so you know-you have only one cab that works in the middle of the night. Making a plane sucks in your town. Also, I know you care about this: you have a LOT of seriously damaged people in your town, and you do a great job of being very kind to them. But quite frankly, I don't think catering to the damaged will make the world better. I am not saying that people are mean in Sac, because I don't think they are, but they aren't as oppressively nice as people in SC and that is why I can't wait to go where the damaged people aren't given voice in every arena of daily life. Besides, it's as though by giving the seriously damaged such a strong representative power, the other people who are better at hiding their broken-ness get to stay in hiding. I like the idea of everyone having to come out of that closet-but I won't cater to you if you do. Additionally, your bus system may be a decent system for such a small town, but I have to tell you right now: it stinks. For being such a "green" city, you make it awfully hard for people to avoid the use of cars in your town. Think about that.
Again, I doubt that Santa Cruz gives a shit about me, since quite frankly I don't really give a shit about Santa Cruz. It gladly took my money while I paid to live here and go to school, and it gladly jacked up prices during graduation week-end in order to get one last huge sum of money from us before we all move away from here to cities that we can afford to live in.
Additionally, I would like to discuss the topic of politics here in Santa Cruz. I was warned before I came here that it would be like living in a bubble of self-righteous radicalism. I was prepared for that, and thought to myself that for a couple of years it would be nice to live in that bubble. Unfortunately the only such radicalism I found here was in the "intellectuals" doing graduate work at the university-writing for the New Left Review (which is amazing, and I am quite aware that I will never write well enough for the New Left Review editors to even use my hard copy for recycled, reused toilet paper). I didn't find any radicalism outside of the city on the hill (the UC), and the radicalism there was minimal at best. So, Santa Cruz, you do live in a self-righteous bubble, but not one of radical politics. You live in the bubble of belief that you are radical, when for all intents and purposes you are nothing of the sort. I once saw a bunch of washed up hippies walking down pacific avenue burning little candles as a protest to the war. I was wondering who they were really protesting when it occurred to me that what they were really doing was marching down the street holding candles in order to congratulate themselves for being so forward thinking. Way to go Santa Cruz.
On the other hand, Santa Cruz offers some beautiful weather-and let me tell you I will miss desperately the morning fog, the smell of the ocean, the redwoods on my campus, the deer everywhere on my campus. I will miss the beauty here. Unfortunately, like everything beautiful in California, the people ruin it. Like Rufus says, "Life is the longest death in California".
I will also miss terribly going to school. I will miss having the context of a novel fed to me with an almost silver spoon (I mean, after all UCSC is a PUBLIC school). I will miss arguing about the context of a novel. I will miss learning about "intellectual history" which will always turn me on. I will miss reading Jameson, not understanding a word of it, and showing up to class to have it all explained to me. I will miss the gorgeous way a lot of my professors think and write. There is something magical and exciting to learn about the world in the thirteenth century from someone that has been extensively published on the subject, from an entirely new perspective-and this perspective is refreshingly holistic and just terribly exciting to hear someone lecture about. I will miss that luxury.
I am totally able to live the lifestyle of a "graduate" right now, thanks to friends who take very good care of me. I get to hang out for a month with a friend in Marin (I will be working, but won't have to do that whole tedious paying of bills and such) then I get to go to Japan-I know I already said this, but I'm sofa king excited about this. I will get to Okinawa a day before she arrives (she's coming from a small town in Japan that isn't on Okinawa) so anyway, I will be able to spend an entire day by myself wandering through a foreign city (I can't remember what city I'll be in) where I don't know a lick of the language, and then stay at a hotel- and I can't think of a better way to spend a day.
That's all. I hope this was sufficiently sentimental, as that is what I originally was going for. If not, then I guess you can join the damaged multitudes here in SC. They'll be really nice to you!
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Monday, June 23, 2008
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Dear Angela Davis
I know that you most likely can't be bothered to read this, since the most you could be bothered with at my graduation commencement was a half-paragraph email. However, just in case you have recently googled your name and you come to this site, and in the weird case that you might actually take the time to read this, I have a lot to say to you.
I have marched with the workers of the UC. I support their cause. And in case you care, I am not a privileged student with parents that were paying for my education. I am thirty-six years old, returning to school because I wanted that education more than I wanted anything else. I sacrificed a great deal in order to earn that piece of paper that was handed to me this last Saturday. Again, I walked with the workers. I am a worker. I will continue to be a worker. Additionally, I come from a long line of union supporters. My father and mother worked minimum wage jobs in order to not cross the picket line at the mill that he was management at. My nephew is a union worker, and will always be. My sister-union. I am not currently union, but will support union ethics no matter what. I have also worked towards getting unions initiated at places I have worked in the past. However, as far as I know, the UC Workers' Strike has been rescinded. It has been indefinitely postponed. Thus, by giving the key-note speech at my graduation, you would not be crossing a picket-line.
It is not only a disappointment that you refused to speak, it is a disappointment that you had no words to share with me. This is not simply about me, and my accomplishments, there were approximately 300 fellow graduates there with me, who also deserved better than what you gave us. You wrote in your email that you would not cross a picket line. This I respect. However, like I've already said there was no official picket line that you would be crossing.
Even if there was a picket line, I and my fellow graduates deserved a lot more than you gave us. We have worked damn hard for our degrees, and nothing in your email to us mentioned US at all. I would have thought that you would take the opportunity to include us in this fight for workers' rights. I would have thought you would write to us about our future, and what we can do in order to fight for more workers' rights. I would like to have heard you congratulate me, and send me out into the world after my time at the UC with more than a few sentences. I am terribly disappointed in you, and not only did I and my fellow students deserve more, you are better than that. You are passionate, righteous, one of the world's intellectuals, and you didn't use your voice at all.
I end this address to you with these sincere words: Angela Davis you have disappointed me. I wish you well in your retirement, but I will not have great admiration for you any longer.
I have marched with the workers of the UC. I support their cause. And in case you care, I am not a privileged student with parents that were paying for my education. I am thirty-six years old, returning to school because I wanted that education more than I wanted anything else. I sacrificed a great deal in order to earn that piece of paper that was handed to me this last Saturday. Again, I walked with the workers. I am a worker. I will continue to be a worker. Additionally, I come from a long line of union supporters. My father and mother worked minimum wage jobs in order to not cross the picket line at the mill that he was management at. My nephew is a union worker, and will always be. My sister-union. I am not currently union, but will support union ethics no matter what. I have also worked towards getting unions initiated at places I have worked in the past. However, as far as I know, the UC Workers' Strike has been rescinded. It has been indefinitely postponed. Thus, by giving the key-note speech at my graduation, you would not be crossing a picket-line.
It is not only a disappointment that you refused to speak, it is a disappointment that you had no words to share with me. This is not simply about me, and my accomplishments, there were approximately 300 fellow graduates there with me, who also deserved better than what you gave us. You wrote in your email that you would not cross a picket line. This I respect. However, like I've already said there was no official picket line that you would be crossing.
Even if there was a picket line, I and my fellow graduates deserved a lot more than you gave us. We have worked damn hard for our degrees, and nothing in your email to us mentioned US at all. I would have thought that you would take the opportunity to include us in this fight for workers' rights. I would have thought you would write to us about our future, and what we can do in order to fight for more workers' rights. I would like to have heard you congratulate me, and send me out into the world after my time at the UC with more than a few sentences. I am terribly disappointed in you, and not only did I and my fellow students deserve more, you are better than that. You are passionate, righteous, one of the world's intellectuals, and you didn't use your voice at all.
I end this address to you with these sincere words: Angela Davis you have disappointed me. I wish you well in your retirement, but I will not have great admiration for you any longer.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
I was looking for stuff on Marlon Riggs and found this:
part two (there are several parts):
It isn't cliche to still be concerned with identity and how it has evolved, is it?
part two (there are several parts):
It isn't cliche to still be concerned with identity and how it has evolved, is it?
Friday, June 6, 2008
Today
Was the last day of undergraduate class para me. I no longer have to sit through another undergrad class as long as I live (unless I get really really DUMB and decide to go for another BA).
Some things I liked about being an undergraduate:
1)You don't really need to know what the hell you're doing academically. You can just take some cool classes, sit back and have it almost spoon fed to you.
2)You don't really have to give a shit. I mean you do, and I did, but you can not show up and still manage to get a decent GPA. (believe me I've shown up for 2/3 of my undergraduate career).
3) The end is more finite and clear, and also it is unbelievably easy. The next phase in my education is going to be more difficult. Whether I go to law school or grad school, I will have massive examinations that require a LOT of my blood sweat tears heart soul. At the beginning, through the middle and at the end. (also you have to show up for big people school).
Things I will not miss about the undergraduate experience:
1)teenagers. (sorry kids, mama loves ya, but doesn't want to sees ya everyday... mama's got some vodka she needs and you kids kill mamas buzz)
2)The TA system-I'll like it better when I'm a TA. But as for being an undergrad and dealing with them, here are a few of my thoughts on it:
A)They are only a few (if that) steps higher than me in the educational process. I don't feel I need to treat them as though they are special. (I treat them with the respect that anyone deserves, no more and no less). I also don't have any need to believe that they know more than I do-although sometimes I have found some brilliant TA's who do in fact know a hell of a lot more than I do-I've also met plenty of people who don't even have associate's degrees who know a hell of a lot more than I do-so their place in grad school means little to me. Additionally I am not at all fond of the hierarchy at all, and I am glad that I never have to be scolded by a TA for not showing up to class. When/if I am a TA I vow never to scold my students. I will however give F's liberally to any undergrad student that resembles my undergrad performance-because more than likely they will deserve it.
3)I am currently disenchanted with school at all-so I am just glad that I know that all I have to do is go to work come home open beer go to sleep go to work come home open beer go to sleep go to work... and so on. Right now I can't think of a more luxurious lifestyle than that. I'm positive it will grow old, but until then... here's to beer sleep and work.
4)my house-mate. How does she tie into this? Well, if I weren't in school I would be living somewhere else. My housemate is not bad, nor is she evil, lazy, unclean... she isn't the usual things that bad housemates are accused of being. She is just dumb and thinks she's brilliant (there is nothing more annoying-except for maybe some ass-hole who just completed her BA thinking she's brilliant) and additionally she has the dumbest boyfriend.... Seriously I never in my life imagined that someone could be that stupid. I mean... ok think of the term Meat Head and multiply that by about one hundred. He doesn't watch the Daily Show-because he doesn't "get it"... but more than that-well, let's just say that if he grunts it's probably the most intelligent thing he has ever said in his entire life. So yeah, I'm NOT going to miss living here. Why didn't I move you ask? Have you checked out the housing situation in Santa Cruz? Believe me I tried to leave. Plus she isn't a BAD housemate, like I said. She's just... simple.
So that is my list for today. I have a paper I want to write this evening. A paper that I need to have written by Sunday evening, a final on Monday and a final on Wednesday. Wednesday is my actual END day.
at which time I will open a beer and stare at my TV for a multitude of hours and not speak at all. I will drool on myself I will be sofa king relaxed.
peace.
Some things I liked about being an undergraduate:
1)You don't really need to know what the hell you're doing academically. You can just take some cool classes, sit back and have it almost spoon fed to you.
2)You don't really have to give a shit. I mean you do, and I did, but you can not show up and still manage to get a decent GPA. (believe me I've shown up for 2/3 of my undergraduate career).
3) The end is more finite and clear, and also it is unbelievably easy. The next phase in my education is going to be more difficult. Whether I go to law school or grad school, I will have massive examinations that require a LOT of my blood sweat tears heart soul. At the beginning, through the middle and at the end. (also you have to show up for big people school).
Things I will not miss about the undergraduate experience:
1)teenagers. (sorry kids, mama loves ya, but doesn't want to sees ya everyday... mama's got some vodka she needs and you kids kill mamas buzz)
2)The TA system-I'll like it better when I'm a TA. But as for being an undergrad and dealing with them, here are a few of my thoughts on it:
A)They are only a few (if that) steps higher than me in the educational process. I don't feel I need to treat them as though they are special. (I treat them with the respect that anyone deserves, no more and no less). I also don't have any need to believe that they know more than I do-although sometimes I have found some brilliant TA's who do in fact know a hell of a lot more than I do-I've also met plenty of people who don't even have associate's degrees who know a hell of a lot more than I do-so their place in grad school means little to me. Additionally I am not at all fond of the hierarchy at all, and I am glad that I never have to be scolded by a TA for not showing up to class. When/if I am a TA I vow never to scold my students. I will however give F's liberally to any undergrad student that resembles my undergrad performance-because more than likely they will deserve it.
3)I am currently disenchanted with school at all-so I am just glad that I know that all I have to do is go to work come home open beer go to sleep go to work come home open beer go to sleep go to work... and so on. Right now I can't think of a more luxurious lifestyle than that. I'm positive it will grow old, but until then... here's to beer sleep and work.
4)my house-mate. How does she tie into this? Well, if I weren't in school I would be living somewhere else. My housemate is not bad, nor is she evil, lazy, unclean... she isn't the usual things that bad housemates are accused of being. She is just dumb and thinks she's brilliant (there is nothing more annoying-except for maybe some ass-hole who just completed her BA thinking she's brilliant) and additionally she has the dumbest boyfriend.... Seriously I never in my life imagined that someone could be that stupid. I mean... ok think of the term Meat Head and multiply that by about one hundred. He doesn't watch the Daily Show-because he doesn't "get it"... but more than that-well, let's just say that if he grunts it's probably the most intelligent thing he has ever said in his entire life. So yeah, I'm NOT going to miss living here. Why didn't I move you ask? Have you checked out the housing situation in Santa Cruz? Believe me I tried to leave. Plus she isn't a BAD housemate, like I said. She's just... simple.
So that is my list for today. I have a paper I want to write this evening. A paper that I need to have written by Sunday evening, a final on Monday and a final on Wednesday. Wednesday is my actual END day.
at which time I will open a beer and stare at my TV for a multitude of hours and not speak at all. I will drool on myself I will be sofa king relaxed.
peace.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
The native language of most of the guys I work with is spanish. I need/want to learn spanish so that is awesome for me. They always come over when they have down time and help me practice. It's awesome because I'm picking it up quickly, and also they are very kind. They don't make fun of my HORRIBLE accent, they don't make fun of me not being good at rolling my 'R's, they don't make fun period. They are a bit sexist, but it's in a way that doesn't offend me at all. It's almost sweet in a way. I don't know how to explain it, but there is such a sweetness in it, that it doesn't feel degrading or uncomfortable in the least. So anyway, one of my coworkers was teaching me some espanol and a customer walked up. I turned to the customer and said, "oh, sorry I was getting a spanish lesson" and the fuck-all said, "I hope you're teaching him English"- and had the audacity to POINT at my co-worker. "Uh-he knows English. I'm the one who needs practice"- "why?" "well, because I like to learn new things. plus the more languages you know, the better the job you will get." the guy continued to challenge me for about a minute.
So basically this guy was offended that I was practicing another language. Because really a good american remains ignorant, never learns new things, and makes DAMN sure they don't learn any other language than English-because it's not just that ignorance is bliss, ignorance is patriotic. And only those who were born here are allowed.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
pero, mi espanol es mal, pero es improvimiento
(that is probably wrong)
tengo ojos azul.
peace.
So basically this guy was offended that I was practicing another language. Because really a good american remains ignorant, never learns new things, and makes DAMN sure they don't learn any other language than English-because it's not just that ignorance is bliss, ignorance is patriotic. And only those who were born here are allowed.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
pero, mi espanol es mal, pero es improvimiento
(that is probably wrong)
tengo ojos azul.
peace.
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