Some of the things I will do when I finally get to move back to Sacramento

First, let me say this: I hate the summer time in Sacramento. I left Sacramento gladly. I was very ready to get me some cool ocean air. (I'll always be ready for cool ocean air). I also hate that Sacramento has a large group of "hipsters". My love of Sacramento has always been that it's not a hip town and that in spite of that, there is an undercurrent of radicalism and creativity that is very much alive yet accessible. Unfortunately, there is also a large group of downtown kids who are "hip". I was working at a popular bar down there, so I was faced with these hipsters on a nightly basis. Listening to the right music, wearing the absolutely perfectly concocted T shirt that is ironic but not so ironic that it is no longer "funny", the perfect salvation army wear and tear women's jeans that are the perfect amount of tight, and since they spent a good portion of their time snorting coke being skinny was no problem at all for them. Yeah, being surrounded by those types makes you do several things. At first it's sort of attractive. Being part of a crowd that is exclusive is as irresistible to adults as it is to jr. high kids. Then of course you do the coke, because I assure you, these people are much more interesting to you if you're high. But it eventually becomes tedious and you lose interest. Then you just begin to be annoyed because these hipsters just start taking over-they're like roaches, if you see one you know damn well that a million are right behind her on their cruisers smoking the right cigarettes with hair that never seems to move but is messed up in just the right places and their perfect teeth too-you know they're coming, all million of them, and they will take over your town and before you know it all the old dive bars that were great to hang out in because they were dark, dank, and smokey and reminded you of the bars in the movies you watched, and made you feel all pretendy and movie like, and made you want to order things like slow-gin fizz even though you had no fucking clue that was-pretty soon that bar, the one with the bartender who is just as drunk as you are and also probably didn't actually make you a slow gin fizz, pretty soon that bar is going to be over run by hipsters. So the last resort is to never leave your house, stay in your back yard, drink your cheap beer back there in your T shirts that are SOOOO not ironic...

In spite of that I am sooooo happy to be returning. Or at least I think I am.

So. Here are some of the things I intend to do upon my return to midtown.

1) I will go to the Depot and have red headed sluts. I will get drunk in a gay ghetto again. I know that there are plenty of people who have no affinity whatsoever to gay ghetto's. Having lived in a town with no such thing, let me tell you how much I miss it. I've always loved the gay ghettos anyway. I don't care how aunt jemima it is-damn it I want to wander the several blocks that make up Sacramento's lively gay ghetto, with all the fabulousness and crystal meth alike. I will walk from the Depot over to the merc, and maybe even go into Faces, who knows.

2)I will subsequently leave the gay ghetto and revisit herpes triangle. I will have a pabst blue ribbon on tap at the O.T with all the washed up punkers- and listen to the butt-rock on the juke-box. I'll order some fries too. And I'll sit on the back patio and listen to the stupid-and I mean unbelievably stupid conversations. I'll pray for the (almost) inevitable fist fight. I will go back inside, put more money into that jukebox, and I will play pin ball for a while. I will leave the OT to go to the next stop in Herpes Triangle-Benny's. Now I know people there, so I can't really talk shit... oh fuck that, sure I can. At Benny's they don't have pabst on tap, but they have newcastle, and stella I think-or maybe it's harps. Either way, I'll go with lager thanks very much. I will go to the back patio where I will see some old friends and we will probably not have a lot to say-well, I will because then I will be loaded drunk. I'll see the dude who's wife I slept with (thinking that she had left him-not my fault) and he will smile like he is saying "I still want to kill you bitch" and I will think pretentiously "dude, I'm so much better than you. I left sacramento, I don't even need to be here" or something equally ridiculous and bitchy. I will sit on the back patio and watch the boys and girls grope each other-but mostly they are just playing and mostly, in spite of some of the meat heads who frequent Benny's, it is sweet and fun. Next on the final lap of the Triangle I will walk around the corner to The Press Club. Here's the thing-I fucking hate the press club. I have not set foot in that place in almost ten years. I think the last time I went there was with a few friends of mine after a River Cats game where we ran up and down the street screaming that the River Cats were going to the Fucking WORLD SERIES bitches...

3)Then it will be time for a drunken ride through midtown at night. I will try to remember to have a bike light this time-and won't let some dumbass borrow my bike and get my light ripped off-I seem to remember doing that. I will ride all over midtown. Summer evenings in midtown are the best evenings ever, anywhere, no doubt about it. It will finally have cooled off, and people in Sacramento are desperate to get outside when it cools down. They walk. They sit on porches. They ride their bikes. They sit on patios at restaurants. It's really amazing.

4)I will, if it kills me, make it to more then two Friday in the Park shows. I will buy at least one beer in the beer garden. I swear to god I will do this. The last summer that I was in Sacramento I worked at a bar, so every goddamn Friday night I got to serve the schmucks who were all out enjoying the concert in the park. Well damn it, this time around I will be one of those schmucks.

5)I will buy some books at Time Tested Books and say hi to Peter. I'm sure we'll have a lot to talk about since I've done some more studying of Tolstoy and I know how much he loves the Tolstoy.

6)I will get bangers and mash at streets of london. it's just something that must be done. like it or not, it's gonna have to happen. This time though I'll take my lap top, sit out on the back patio and have bangers and mash and stella on tap (also like it or not streets of london takes really good care of their taps and their stella on tap is pretty good)-and I will love it out on that patio. There are some crazy but interesting cats that go to Streets in the heat of the afternoon, early evening, and something about it is just wonderful.

7)I will spend my 4th of July in Oakpark, because oakpark on the 4th is fucking great. Things explode and there is a lot of beer. Plus I have friends who live there that like to get drunk and tweak their store bought fireworks, making them go faster, higher and louder.

8)I will go to a River Rats game and will get field seats. I will fill up a cooler with beer and sandwiches and will totally make a night of it.

9)I will see a movie at the Tower theater, and at the Crest theater.

10)I will have breakfast at any of the following places: corner stone, lucky cafe, or tower cafe. oh and Fox and goose. can NOT forget Fox and GOose beer breakfast. I hear they have a full liquor license now too, so bloody marry's will be made completely at the bar instead of what we used to do (bring our own vodka and order the rest). All have their own charm and all deserve attention. So perhaps I will eat at all three places.

11)also of course I'll go to willy burger.

These are just a few of the things I will do when I get home. I don't think people realize what a great town Sacramento is. And that's fine for me. I hear that the really "hip" place to be is Portland Oregon, so head up that way folks, and leave the little town of Sacramento to us boring non-hip people who just want to ride our bikes around at night with beers in our hand. peace.