Simon Cowell's hair

I am not a fan of American Idol. When the first season premiered I lived next door to a man named Norm. He was an old cantankerous guy who was one of the funniest people I've ever known. I loved spending time with him. We would chain-smoke and drink black coffee and he would tell me all the crazy things he had done in his life. We would joke about the pranks we were going to pull off. For example, a lady who lived in our apartment complex had two dogs that she adored. She even had a personalized license plate that read in blue letters: "Mutt Lover". He and I got blue paint tape and added a line on each of the 't's so that it read, "Muff lover". Norm liked American Idol. So I watched it with Norm. Since then I haven't watched it. Tonight I am writing a paper, and I wanted distraction. I turned the TV on, and this is what I saw:



That hair is ...uh...

WTF?!

Maybe since he's not getting his paycheck this week, he couldn't afford a hairstylist. (rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrright)

Seriously. Red phones and American Idol. So you can buy into this whole idea that capitalist charity exists. PUHLEAZE.

ah but what great inspirational songs they had to sing tonight. one of them was really radical, he wrote "give back" on the palm of his hand, and at the end of his horrible song the camera at a low angle shot, he put his hand up and cocked his head just so, making himself look really sincere while wearing a white jacket that he stole from Curt Smith. I know what I'm writing on my palm tomorrow. I'll change the fucking world, especially if it's combined with a really "sincere" look.

I promise never to watch American Idol again.

I promise never to watch American Idol again.

I promise never to watch American Idol again.

ok but if I ever do watch it again, here are some songs that I would love to see performed:

Joy Division: No Love Lost

Nina Hagen: Universal Radio (whoever sings it, can say something before they go on stage about how their radio is universal and that idea is what music means to them)

I could go on, but I'm bored now.

Well, actually I'm not bored at all. You see, my papers are still not done. I have some black sambuca maybe it's time to go to my bar with some matches and some shot glasses and coffee beans. If three flaming sambucas don't inspire me, then fuck it, at least I'll sleep well.

And also I will recover from seeing Simon Cowell's hair.